The Beginning

[imjustaman]

It had been strange, feeling sparks and pricks of sanity after so long. And even though the insane part had tried to suppress it, the sane part had refused to be smothered again. Instead, he had fought for the surface, for sanity, until both sides of him had realized there was a good reason to long to be sane again.

Was there a way? It wasn't a normal insanity that could be helped with doctors and pills and therapy. Perhaps ... if there were secret treasures of the Ancients, one of those might grant his deepest wish?

It had been such a long journey to find what he sought. And then he had, and it worked, and suddenly he was sane again and the full weight of his sins was crashing down on him.

He stumbled, holding a shaking hand to his head. Everything he had done … and said … it was horrible. Beyond horrible. He would never be free of it. No one could ever love him again, especially not Cloud. It was impossible.

He swayed, barely paying attention to his surroundings. He was weak, he was dizzy, everything was spiraling out of control. Then he collapsed in the road, having unconsciously unfurled all seven wings on his back.

Comments

[imjustaman]

I remember … everything.

[His voice and face were tortured. He took no delight in the memories, the horror. He looked like he’d been to Hell and back, if he wasn’t still there in his mind and heart.

He knelt up in the road, still looking lost, not sure at all what to do now.]

I truly am a monster. I know it sounds hollow, but … I am so sorry, Cloud…. For everything.

[He sounded so tormented, he was definitely sincere.]

[runeslash]

Hm...

[Cloud was a little surprised. How did Sephiroth come back from the lifestream without giving something in exchange?]

... Save your sorries. I'm not doing any forgiving. [He had still yet to forgive himself like Aerith wanted. Eventually he would forgive himself for her death. he stared at Sephiroth's knees for a moment, a sudden flare of anger pulsating through him.] Sorry doesn't bring Aerith back, or my mom or Tifa's dad or Zack.

[imjustaman]

I wouldn’t expect any. I am not deserving.

[He stumbled up, still dizzy.]

I … didn’t mean for you to find me, Cloud. I’ll go. I don’t want to bother you.

[He held a hand to his head as he tried to shuffle off.]

[runeslash]

[What was the game Sephiroth was playing?] Is this another one of your mind games?

[There was a pause, then a sigh. He couldn't let him wander off alone, simply because it meant that he would end up trying to destroy the world once more.] I'd stay where you are or else we may end up in a scuffle.

[He stood up, crossing his arms.] I'd like to think you aren't about to go off and try destroying the planet again.

[imjustaman]

No. No more mind games, Cloud. I am sane again. But ... I understand if you cannot believe me.

[He stopped. He was in no condition to fight. All the wings were drooping.]

I have no interest in destroying anything now.

[runeslash]

How did you do it?

[Cloud could see the sorry state he was in but that didn't mean he could trust him, he'd be following him around until they found out if he truly was sane again.]

... Tifa is going to kill me but you're coming back with me. [Cloud turned back to his bike, throwing his leg over the seat and sitting down.] Well?

[imjustaman]

I ... used our bond to come back. I've been alive for some time now. I've been looking for a powerful orb capable of restoring my sanity. I found it tonight.

[He started.]

Back to 7th Heaven? How can I possibly be there? The children.... I wouldn't harm them, but how can you trust me enough?

[runeslash]

What do you mean our bond? [he questioned, wondering what the hell Sephiroth was talking about. He turned his eyes on him for a moment, then looked ahead.] What kind of orb?

I don't trust you. I don't know how to see how you're trustworthy. There's no way to tell. I'll... I'll have to tie you up for a bit. [He started his motorcycle, looking at Sephiroth expectedly.]

[imjustaman]

Our mental bond. What I ... used to use to hurt you.

[He looked away guiltily.]

It has other uses. As long as you remember me, I can always come back.

[He sighed.]

It's a treasure of the Ancients. I finally unlocked it at a small temple near Gongaga.

[The wings all went stiff at that.]

Tie up?

[A lot of fear went through his eyes at that. He knew he deserved it, but he wasn't sure he could take being restrained. Not after some of what he had been through as a child.]

[runeslash]

[He hated considering that they had a mental bond. He was a bit revulsed.] Right. We're soulmates. [his voice was dripping with sarcasm but he knew why they had a mental bond.]

... Okay. [He couldn't help remembering Sephiroth, he was part of his life now for the last eight years or more.]

A treasure of the ancients? I'll have to ask .... [Aerith...he trailed off. They had a psychic link as well.]

For now. It won't be too tight, just enough that you can't escape.

[Cloud paused, then reved the engine.] COme on, hop on the back, we have some ground to cover until we reach 7th Heaven.

[imjustaman]

[Sephiroth gave a weak, sad smirk at that. Of course, that was a perfectly normal, natural reaction. Cloud would never be able to see anything good about their bond. Why would he? That was something else Sephiroth had wrecked forever.]

There may be others. That was the only one I really wanted.

[He was starting to actively panic now.]

No.... No, I can't be tied up....

[He stepped back, shaking. He wanted to fly away, but he doubted he could. He was too dizzy. Of course, he had to be tied up. He had to be punished. It was all he deserved. He should be restrained forever, never allowed freedom.

[He was starting to emotionally collapse in on himself, knowing it had to be, yet not knowing how he could take it. Already he was starting to flash back, remembering what Hojo had put him through.]

[runeslash]

[Cloud was losing patience.] Others? I don't understand. More orbs?

[He sighed.] I won't tie you up, long as you can promise me you won't try running away.

[imjustaman]

Yes. I believe there are other such treasures. I only wanted the one that would heal my mind.

[He looked up, slowly, almost not daring to believe.]

I won't run away....

[He had longed to be with Cloud, but of course, this was the only way that would happen. And he couldn't cause even more misery for Cloud. He had to do whatever Cloud wanted. That was only just, only right.

Slowly he went over to Fenrir and climbed on. He would have to put his arms around Cloud to stay on the motorcycle safely.... He looked hesitant to do it, knowing Cloud wouldn't like it.]

[runeslash]

Did you get it?

[Cloud knew Sephiroth had to wrap his arms around him for the duration of the ride.] It's okay, go ahead.

[imjustaman]

Yes.... I used it and it went back to the temple....

[He slowly put his arms around Cloud. It felt good, right. If only the circumstances were different, but they never would be. This was probably the only time he would have to enjoy this.]

[runeslash]

Not what I meant. I meant did you get your clarity?

[Cloud pulled off onto the road, the wind whipping at both their hairs. It felt odd to have Sephiroth's arms around him, but he wasn't revulsed.] Tifa will likely try putting the hurt on you. [Cloud yelled over his shoulder.]

[imjustaman]

Yes.

[He retracted the wings in case they would add too much weight.]

I deserve whatever she does.

[He sounded resigned, sorrowful. He wasn't likely to fight back, even just to defend himself.]

[runeslash]

[He wasn't being attacked right now, but it could easily happen if things came to it. He wasn't sure what he was thinking but yes, Sephiroth could easily stab him in the back right now. Which would be a shitty thing to happen.

Maybe this was some kind of ruse. He then yelled over the roar of the engine...] I'm sure she won't go too hard on you but, maybe we should put you up in a hotel instead of taking you back to the bar.

[imjustaman]

That would likely be best. I don't want to impose.

[He cares nothing for his own safety right now.]

[runeslash]

[he nods, jumping off the motorcycle and heading inside. He gets Sephiroth a room and makes his way outside.] Follow me.

[He walks inside the place, heading for room 33, then he opens the door, walks inside and dials Tifa who picks up on the third try. He tells her what's going on, only for her to understandably freak out and start crying. Her voice was high strung, her concerns well warranted. He calmed her down and told her send Vincent, he might understand better. She agreed but still was upset.]

[imjustaman]

[Sephiroth feels terrible to hear how upset Tifa is. She has every right to be, and he supposes he should stay silent or it will be even worse.

Vincent, though? Why Vincent?

He ponders, then freezes. He learned about Lucrecia in the Lifestream. And there was a Vincent with her.... He looked much different then, but ...

He sighs and goes to sit on the bed, not sure what to do. He had been trying to make himself better, but he had been so foolish to even try. Cloud would of course never care about him, and now he's put everyone in a terrible upheaval.... He leans forward, digging his hands into his hair. Will he never stop causing trouble?]

[runeslash]

[Cloud turned to Sephiroth, studying him quietly. He took a deep but small breath.] We're waiting on Vincent Valentine...

[He pauses for a moment, crossing his arms over his front, tired and spent. He needed a nap.] iT's probably going to take him half a day to get here... so...

[imjustaman]

So I heard.... Why him? ... Because of Lucrecia?

[He looks Cloud over, immediately seeing how worn-out he looks.]

You're welcome to rest....

[But would Cloud even feel able to let his guard down enough to sleep with Sephiroth here?]

[runeslash]

He may understand your situation. Guilt and Redemption.

[Cloud lays back on the bed, bringing his knee up to rest upon with his arm.]

[imjustaman]

He hasn't committed sins such as I have....

[Has anyone? Has anyone else lost their mind to the extent of trying to destroy the world and become a god? He's not a god. He's less than a human.]

No one else is the perfect monster.

[All the wings are out again, on his back. He starts to bring them around himself as he leans forward on the other bed. He knows the wings don't make him a monster, at least. He even likes them. He created the white ones himself. But ... he doesn't deserve to have them. They're a symbol of angelic goodness. He isn't that either. But ... he doesn't want to strip himself of them.]

[runeslash]

He feels he has, Sephiroth. So humor him at least.

[Cloud laid on the bed, wanting to sleep but couldn't afford the luxury. Sheesh, when had sleep become a luxury? Tifa would tell him not to fall asleep around Sephiroth, who knows what he was thinking inside that skull of his.]

Tell that to Vincent, who has beast forms.

[imjustaman]

[Sephiroth grunted at that, but was admittedly curious and intrigued.]

What sins does he feel he's committed?

[He looks up over the tops of the wings.]

But he uses them for good, doesn't he?

[Unlike Sephiroth had....]